The following questions have been asked of us. Beware...this post is lengthy; but hopefully helpful in answering questions you may have for us. Happy reading...I'm wordy! HeeeHeee!What sparked your interest in adoption as a way to grow your family?For us the choice to adopt was simple. We have always desired having a large family; and a home bursting with wonderful chaos. Our daily adventures with kids, running to everyone’s activities, building snowmen, and walking the dog are just a part of the adventures we laugh through each day. Our desire to enjoy our moments together and our strong faith in doing God’s work makes it a natural step for us to add another child to our home through adoption.
Do you have family and/or close friends with adopted children, or were you the first in your ‘circle’ to adopt?We are the “pioneers” of adoption when it comes to our close family and friends. We have been told by prospective adoptive families that we are their “guinea pigs”. There are lots of initial fears circling around the adoption process and others want to see how it all unfolds for us.
What steps did you take to learn more about the decision to adopt and adoption process?We first began researching several agencies and discussing adoption programs with the handful we found to be reputable and personable. We narrowed our search even further by contacting families who used the agencies. It was our priority to find an agency that protected and stimulated the children in their care. Simultaneously, we researched different countries to determine which would best fit our new child and our family.
Did you consider domestic adoption? How did you choose international, and specifically, how did you choose the country from which to adopt? How did you select an agency to work with?We considered both domestic and international adoption. In our community domestic adoptions are sought much more often; and because of this and our hearts pulling us to Ethiopia, we made our decision to complete our family through an international adoption. We caution that our choice came through the eyes of us and our perspective, and that International Adoption is not the right fit for all. But, through our lenses Ethiopia rested on our hearts and we were smitten rich “family” culture. Ethiopia also has a high rate of children who are orphans. Overall, we feel a stronger power is completing our family. We are merely following the plan; and are so grateful for the opportunity.
When discussing Ethiopia with several agencies, we found that our agency; All God’s Children International (AGCI), created an intimate, safe, and nurturing for their children. The founders of AGCI touched our hearts immediately, with their personal story of adoption. We truly feel a sense of “family” when talking to each staff member. We are also extremely pleased with the fact that our adoption will place funds in Ethiopia and help with many children who are without a home.
After determining our international agency, we researched local agencies to complete our home study and state education requirements. We again relied on testimonials, as well our other personal goals of finding an agency with professionalism and a speed for paperwork. We found a local agency to be our best fit. Their staff and our social worker are quick to answer our questions and complete their part of the journey efficiently. Our decision was also based on their reputation of reaching out to children in need right here in our community. They also currently serve a large number of domestic adoptions.
Were there difficult aspects of making the decision to adopt? Certain challenges along the way?
Whenever adding a new member to a family, there are unique challenges or things to consider. Being parents of three children already, we have found each child’s entrance into the world brought a set of new decisions. In our case, our largest concerns with adoption are creating a stable home for our current children during the process of paperwork, travel, and attention given directly to the adoption, as well as meeting the needs and wants of our newest son. We can’t wait to be a part of his different stages of development; and pray to be ready for the possible reactions he may have to being adopted. As humans, we all fear the unknown. Adding a member to a family definitely brings with it the aspect of the “unknown”.
An additional challenge to international adoption is the financial concern. We are no exception to this.
How long did the adoption process take?An adoption timeline can vary for every family, depending on several factors, such as domestic vs. international, agencies used, paper processing, desired country, personal finances, state and local requirements, and personal schedules and deadlines to complete requirements. Oftentimes, adopting parents are at the mercy of others to complete their documents and approvals. A combination of patience and perseverance is important for adoptive families.
Our Ethiopian adoption with AGCI is estimated to take between twelve and eighteen months to complete, from application to travel.
How old was your adopted child when he or she arrived in your home? How old were your other children at that time?We know our son will be 0-12 months at the time of our referral. After our court date in Ethiopia and our one-time travel, he could be over one year of age.
How did you prepare your older children for the arrival of their adopted sibling?Both our international and local adoption agencies guide our family in completing education courses. Topics of the courses pertaining to the children in our home include role-playing through various situations that may arise with their new sibling. Our older children were also given fun activities to complete that allowed them to use their imagination and view our family now and what they envision it to look like in the future.
As a family, we also read books about adoption and their newest brother’s country and culture. We are even learning to speak basic Amharic; Ethiopia’s primary language.
We are also making connections with families in our community who have adopted from various countries.
Our children are very excited, and already pray for him daily. They talk about him as if they know him already.
When you chose to adopt, what response did you receive from family and friends?We are fortunate to have many friends and family around us to support our decision. Most people were not surprised by our choice.
How did your older children respond to the idea of an adopted sibling?Sharing our decision to adopt with our children was exciting. We have created a family bond with our children involving lots of time together. They are excited to have another friend to share their fun with.
Adoption can be a rollercoaster of emotions. How would you describe some of the feelings that surface throughout the adoption process, and/or the emotions involved once your child was placed in your home?
Preparing for any child in the home can create a rollercoaster of emotions. Adoption involves all of these emotions, in addition to unique emotions. The joy and excitement of our dreams for our child by far outweigh the fear and stress involved in adoption. It is wonderful to have a support system in place to help you through the stressful portions of adoption. Adoption timelines are not always predictable and can bring about surprises.
Completing paperwork in a timely and accurate manner, paying fees, hoping for approvals, and waiting on others to complete their end of the work can be stressful. In our case, anticipating travel and traveling without our older children has been difficult.
Was financing your adoption an obstacle? Do you have any tips or suggestions to prospective adoptive parents with respect to financing an adoption?Financing an adoption is definitely an anxious part of the adoption. Others interested in adoption have shared their desire to adopt, but their strong fear of finances stopping them from pursuing it.
We have done our homework in the area of finances. During our investigation, our stress was relieved when found that most adoptive families are not wealthy. AGCI provided us with a financial worksheet to layout our financial status. From here, we outlined a realistic budget for ourselves. Basic changes, such as eating out less, cutting coupons, and searching the community for free activities for our family, have really saved us money. In addition to tightening our spending, we also have explored successful fundraising and grants opportunities.
Our personalities are very timid about fundraising, but we have found that many people simply want to be involved and want to help bring our son home. Sharing our story, through our blog especially, has been a successful way to inform others of our adoption, as well as be a reference for those excited to participate in efforts to bring our son home. To date, we are planning one and possibly two garage sales based from community donations. We are also planning a basketball tournament or golf outing, t-shirt sales displaying our family adoption logo, and a PayPal link on our blog allowing those around us directly donate to our adoption fund.
In addition to fundraising, we have also outlined grants we can apply for after our local homestudy is approved. A federal adoption tax credit may make our adoption more affordable once our adoption is finalized. The tax credit is due to expire in December of 2010, unless Congress votes to continue it. The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213 would keep the credit from being repealed and would make the tax relief permanent. We are encouraging those around us to call their senator and congressmen to share the importance of this credit and how it positively impacts families adopting.
For most international programs, personal funds are needed to start the process. The difficult part of this is that most grants and fundraising cannot occur until well after the process has begun. This can be a major deterrent for people interested in adopting.
Some employers also include paid adoption fees as an employer benefit.
Do you have, or have you had, any concerns about raising a multi-cultural child in our society?We feel our society has made major gains toward embracing the many beautiful cultures in our society; and only feel as a whole we will continue to grow in this area. We are also fortunate to live in a united community.
We continue to search for ways to provide all of our children with many multi-cultural experiences. It is extremely important for us to learn about all cultures. This is what makes us the United States! We are lucky to live in a country that embraces us and all about us. I hope people look at our son and notice his huge eyes, chunky thighs, dimples, and yes...his chocolate skin. I pray to hear his laugh and see him smile; as much as I pray he’ll embrace the world and rejoice in all of their unique features.
How have you dealt with difficult/rude/inappropriate questions that others may ask when noticing that you have an adopted child?
Our son is not home with us yet, but we’ve already had people ask many questions of us. We embrace these questions and use them as opportunities to share the passion and reasoning behind our choice to expand our family. We understand people are sincere in their motivations to inquire and they just want to learn and understand. We anticipate the joy our child will place on the inquiring faces as they see our child giggle at the park or watch him scream with joy as he watches his favorite animal at the zoo. We anticipate these same people crying when he cries from a skinned knee or when he loses his favorite blanket at the store. We know that the word “adoption” brings about questions for people, but at the same time we know the word “adoption” will expire for everyone as they’ll see he is a part of us and we are a part of him.
What issues should an adopting family take into consideration when adopting a child internationally?Adopting internationally can leave many “blanks”. Adoptive families should be prepared for the possibility of not knowing everything about the birth family, prenatal health, delivery, medical conditions, or life before the orphanage or foster care.
Determining the requirements for each country, such as travel, number of children allowed per home, fees, age, and document requirements, is important. Each country varies and is different than a domestic adoption. Finding the right fit is essential.
What advice would you give to someone considering international adoption?Our best advice is to do your research. Find out everything you can, both difficult and positive about international adoption. Communicate with others, including agencies, doctors, child specialists, and families who have adopted. And, as always, don’t ignore your heart.
Make of list of projected barriers and how they can be overcome and who can help. Blogging has been a savior to us. Tips and testimonials from other parents have been informing.
What advice would you give to a new adoptive parent?We don’t feel equipped at this point to give advice to newly adoptive parents because we have not met our son home yet. However, we heavily rely on newly adoptive parents right now to give us advice and to hear about what joys and challenges related to the adoption process.
Our biggest asset in our adoption journey has been sharing our passion with others. People have found our joy and it has inspired them to join our excitement and follow our story. Growing a network of support is a definite plus when adopting. It also has allowed people to become a part of every step of our process and share in the anticipation and excitement.
We know at times, we will reflect and rejoice in his adoption and thank God for orchestrating our beautiful family.
