I realized today we are "unnofficially" second on the waitlist. I am thrilled that every time we move up on the list, God has blessed another family with a little boy and families are becoming forever united. To read the news that another little guy is closer to home sends my stomach into a flutter. The news made me think of our son. We feel or have a sense "S" is born. My thoughts wander as I think of where he is, who is holding him, who is calming him, feeding him, and kissing him. I miss him and haven't even met him in person. My thoughts have also turned to sorrow. I think about "S's" birth mother; and I wonder how she feels. What circumstances led her to this decision. I want to know her, all about her. I want to hug her and comfort her and thank her.
Of course, the closer I get knowing "S" the more excited I get; but at the same time, a women and/or her family may be suffering and considering adoption for their birth child. As I count down the days, she may be dreading them. I want to rejoice and scream and tell everyone that I know about our new son, while she may not. All of these thoughts just make me feel fuzzy! I'm happy, don't get me wrong... It is just a feeling I can't explain. Maybe others "in my shoes" have felt this way.
I know God has a plan and I trust Him. I just need to relax.
3 comments:
Ahhh, this feeling is all too familar for me. Something I struggled with from about where you are until... well, I still struggle. Adopting my children is the greatest blessing of my life, but there are times when the grief, loss, and, yes, guilt of it can feel overwhelming. It is hard for me to struggle with the fact that another woman is giving me such a gift... How do I possibly deserve something like that? And to say thank you, there are no words to EVER do that. But, at the same time, I know that MY daughter (soon to be daughters!) was meant to be in our family. I take comfort in knowing that for certain. It doesn't mean it is always an easy path for me, but I do know it is the right way for A and me to build our family.
I can relate! I remember being #2 on the list and the anticipation and crazy feelings. Congratulations and I can't wait to hear of your referral!
yeah! I was thinking about y'all when the last family received their referral, realizing y'all are VERY close!!
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