I can feel my toes...

Sounds funny, right? Well, it is how I feel this morning. I've been numb for awhile and pretty sad about missing two of my boys. But...as the days peck away...I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm starting to feel a little more like myself....a little. Brian has sent several emotional texts the last day. He misses everyone here and anticipates the joy of introducing "S" to us all. I woke up to this simple text this morning:

"Miss you"

He is loving his trip, but missing his kids and family. "S" is sleeping well and Brian is enjoying his time learning about Addis and the culture. He isn't wishing the trip away, but this has definitley been an emotional week for all. Bottom line..."S" is happy...he is bonding...he is loved beyond measure.

After I think about it more, I wonder if Brian is sad because he knows today was shopping day....or do you suppose he does really like me(Ha...gotta have humor right?) He isn't the worlds best shopper; and I did give him quite a list to complete. My glory...his nightmare.

Bri was looking through some of the little cards and gifts the kids and I snuck in his bags and througout his wardrobe, shaving bag, etc... I thought they would bring him joy, but maybe it was too much. He sent me a text about weeping over them.

Funny...he was my rock earlier this week when I was at the height of my struggling, and now the roles are reversing. I just can't wait to hug them and kiss them.

He keeps commenting throughout his texts about the love he has for baby "S". He loves to cuddle and nap with him the most. Simply Awesome! These moments they are living are memories in the making and they will forever be ingrained in both of them. I can't wait for my turn. I am such a baby hog anyway...but this will be even beyond my normal craziness. I almost feel sorry for the victims of my squeezes...because I squeeze often and tight.

This brings me to wondering how I'll react Friday. I would like to think I'll be calm and cool...so he is comfortable. I'm afraid I'll be shaky, or cry to hard...or overwhelm him. I need to prepare myself for this. I dream about standing in the airport and making eye contact with Brian. Who knows...I may even run (at least I'll get my cardio out of the way...ha). Yes...I watch a lot of Lifetime movies...and yes...I'm probably going to be just as dramatic, and maybe even run in slow motion with music in the background. Who knows...All I know is I'm all worked up and excited about "the moment". I've been thinking of a special name for this day too. I want it to be my date day forever with "S". I picture myself stealing him from his own family when he is a grown man for our standing date. I'd love suggestions for what I can call this day. It isn't technically "Gotcha Day"...so what?

Last night was tough on the kids. It has really sunken in and they physically miss their daddy's touch. We tried to pass the time and pick out our Christmas Paper. Each year they choose their own for under the tree. It was fun. We also picked another "take-home" outfit for "S". Our older son had a meltdown just before bed...which dominoed to the girls. It was tough...but they seem good now. We don't give daddy these details...just yet anyway.

Well...as I type (ramble) Brian is snuggled up with little man (in his blue jammies...I ask what he is wearing constantly). My brother has hit the town again. Who knows where he went...but no need to worry, he is having a great time wherever. I may hear from Brian tonight by phone...unless he falls asleep.

Thanks for all the e-mails, phone call, texts, and comments. They are really uplifting...and thanks for reading my ramblings! I love to talk...just like my dad. (: